DOs and DON’Ts of Wedding Speeches
Are you preparing to give a speech at an upcoming wedding, and feeling a bit out of your comfort zone? Or are you planning a wedding and you want to make sure the speeches portion of the wedding day is memorable and entertaining? Well, you’re in the right place.
Full disclosure: I’m a professional wedding photographer, NOT a professional public speaker. In fact, I just learned that the word for a person giving a speech is: speechifier. It’s a fun word and I’m vowing to use it as often as possible.
While I don’t claim to know everything about public speaking, I do know a lot about wedding speeches, because in my 13-year career as a full-time wedding photographer, I’ve had the front row seat to hundreds of wedding speeches. Many of them are interesting, heartfelt, and funny, Others are boring, or worse yet, a little awkward. There are tons of resources out there about how to structure a wedding speech, or suggested jokes that are sure to kill. This article is not that. These are my DOs and DON’Ts for wedding couples and speechifiers (it’s fun, right??) on how best to prepare for the speeches portion of their wedding day, to create a smooth experience for everyone. Here goes:
DO: Bring your drink up with you to give your speech.
A great wedding speech includes a toast to the newlyweds. However, nervous speechifiers always forget their glass. If I had a dollar for every time I saw somebody mime holding a glass during a wedding speech, I could retire.
Wedding couples, while discussing your speech plans, I suggest asking the MC to give a heads up to each speechifier when their speech is coming up shortly, and remind them to bring a filled wine/champagne glass with them to the lectern.
If you wear glasses, make sure they’re ready to go.
DON’T: have your lectern set up right in front of the DJ station.
Great speech photos bring the focus on the speechifier. However, if the lectern is placed directly in front of the DJ table, an otherwise heartfelt moment includes a mess of cords and a bored DJ in the background.
A neutral wall, or decor, makes for an ideal backdrop for the lectern.
DO: Prepare the essentials.
When planning your reception details, make sure your lectern setup has these essentials:
- Enough light to read from a paper. A flashlight shouldn’t be required.
- Tissues in case the waterworks start. The best wedding speeches include emotion, so prepare for it.
- A flat surface to place your drink. If the lectern is slanted, as many are, make sure there’s a table next to the lectern
DON’T: Read your speech off your phone.
Speechifiers should print their speech on paper with a large font. If you are reading your speech off your phone in a dark reception hall, your face will glow bright blue in your photos. Not cute.
DO: Hold the microphone.
The microphone should be held in the speechifier’s hand, down and close to your mouth so that you are heard loud and clear. While microphone stands are handy, they look ugly and often hard to quickly adjust for height. They often block the face of shorter people, or cast unsightly shadows.
DON’T: Hold a captive audience.
Weddings are not the time for long or improvised speeches. Speeches should be short and sweet. If the first draft of your speech is 10 pages long, speechifiers can give the couple a printed copy of the long version of their speech, but the version spoken aloud at the reception should be cut down to about 3 or 4 minutes.
DO: Choose to go first.
Are you nervous about making a speech? Most wedding couples think their speech has to be last, because that’s the most common way of ordering things. But guess what? It’s YOUR wedding and YOU make the rules. Volunteer to go first – you can even go before dinner service begins. Take the opportunity to officially welcome guests and say your thank yous before everything begins. Then, you can relax and enjoy the rest of the night without the nerves.
Wedding Speeches FAQs
As you plan your wedding reception, you may be wondering “Who usually speaks at a wedding?” While there are no strict rules about who should give a speech, most weddings follow a few common traditions. Ultimately, it’s your day, so you can choose whoever feels right to speak. Here are the people most often included:
A representative from each partner’s side of the wedding party or friend group
This is often the maid of honour, best man, or another close friend. Their speech usually includes personal stories, humour, and heartfelt moments that highlight your relationship from their unique perspective.
A representative from each partner’s family
Parents often take on this role, offering a mix of wisdom, fond childhood memories, and a warm welcome to their child’s new spouse. If a parent isn’t comfortable speaking, another close family member—such as a sibling, aunt, or grandparent—may step in to share their words instead.
The newlyweds
Many couples choose to give a short speech together or individually. This is a wonderful opportunity to thank your guests for celebrating with you, acknowledge your wedding party, express gratitude to your families and vendors, and, of course, share a few words of love and appreciation for each other.
The best wedding speeches are short and sweet. 3 to 4 minutes per person is perfect. If two people are delivering their speech together, 6 to 8 minutes is fine, but don’t exceed that for the sake of the guest experience.
If dinner service includes multiple courses, it’s best to schedule one to two speeches between each course to break them up. If there’s only a single course, or the meal is buffet-style, it’s best to schedule speeches once everyone has gotten their meal, or during dessert or both.
It’s not necessary for both partners to speak, however even if only one of you is going to do the speaking, I recommend both of you stand at the lectern during the speech.
Your wedding should reflect you two as a couple and your values. If you don’t value wedding speeches, you can absolutely skip them altogether. For any family or friends who feel disappointed to not get to deliver a speech, you can suggest that they write their speech out and include it in a card as a wedding gift, or they may record themselves delivering the speech and send you the recording privately.
Remember that wedding speeches are a form of entertainment for all of the wedding guests. The best forms of entertainment are informative, funny, and emotional. Humour is a great way to make speeches lighthearted and interesting, however it’s important to remember that wedding speeches are not just meant for the couple. Wedding speeches are for everyone in the room, so keep your audience in mind when choosing what to include or exclude from your speech. Here are a few types of jokes to avoid:
Crude, vulgar or off-colour humour
Think about the guests in the room who are most sensitive or easily offended (children, grandparents, etc.) and make sure your jokes are appropriate for them.
Roasts
Lighthearted teasing can be funny, but be careful that your roasts aren’t mean or insulting. Usually self-deprecating humour will usually land better with the audience than insults directed towards a particular person or group.
Inside jokes
Although you may be addressing a particular person in your speech, avoid referencing any inside jokes. You’ll exclude everyone in the room who doesn’t know the context of the joke, making your speech only funny for 1% of your audience and uninteresting or confusing to the rest.
90% of wedding speeches start with the line “For those of you who don’t know me, I’m…” which is redundant because you’ll most likely have JUST been introduced, so you can skip the self-introduction and get right into the good stuff. If the context that you are the groom’s sister, for example, is vital information for the clarity or humour of your speech, feel free to remind guests of that context in your speech at the point where that information is most useful (for example “As Brandon’s sister…” or “Growing up with Brandon was…”). Start your speech with a joke, a call-back to something unexpected that happened during the ceremony, or a quick funny story. Hooking the audience will make for a much stronger start than your name and relationship to the couple.
Want more helpful wedding planning advice?
Some of the tips in this post were pulled directly from my wedding planning guide, Level-Up Your Wedding and Eliminate Regrets, a free guide, full of tips like these. Click the link below to check out the guide and download the PDF to help plan and eliminate wedding regrets before they happen.
Looking for a wedding photographer?
I’m Ben Lariviere, a wedding photographer based in Kitchener, Ontario, documenting love stories across Southern Ontario and beyond. I specialize in capturing timeless love, candid joy, and genuine human connection with a style that blends documentary storytelling and relaxed, editorial-inspired portraits.
I’ve been a full-time photographer since 2012, and I bring a calm, thoughtful presence to every wedding day. As a dad of two, I’ve come to appreciate just how fast life moves and how important it is to preserve the moments that matter. On days off, you’ll find me sipping coffee, spending time with my family, or getting lost in a good video game.
If you’re planning a wedding that feels like you and want photos that reflect real emotion, I’d love to hear your story.
